Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Thank You Victor Lebow!

Thank you Victor Lebow for pointing out how to make me happy! I would have no clue how to make myself happy if you hadn't came along 34 years before I was born. Without your "Price Competition in 1955," I would be a depressed drunkard meth addict. Here is my all mighty commandment:

I reiterate your statement over and over and over and... without your wise control over society, I would be nothing. How could I ever survive? To you I owe a tithing. Oh, wait, I can't tithe you, I need all the money I can get for my ego satisfaction.
Alright, so maybe I can't thank just Victor Lebow, but the entire American society. Thank you for buying into the greed system. I find that my quality of life goes up substantially every time I get some new product that proves that I'm a better person than my fellow American! Who needs true friends who you share time with and do all sorts of fun activities with? Not me! All I need to be happy is material goods! That way I'll be better than anyone else without having to do anything! When I push down on the gas pedal of my Hummer, it proves that I, myself, am more powerful than you. I have control over a bigger engine than you do and that makes me more powerful than you, which makes me a better person than you. Since all I need in life is material wealth that proves my superiority, I'm extremely happy! I'm so happy that all I need to do is keep proving that I'm better than you and you should keep bowing down to me and giving me more money because of it. Who needs valuable time with friends and family when time is money and money is all that is needed for happiness. Why can't scientists come up with a way to keep us from needing sleep? I'll be the first to buy into it so that I can work 168 hour weeks and feel pure bliss. It will be heavenly to forget about other people and relish all of my material wealth once I own all of the goods that the earth can produce! Gimme, gimme, gimme!!!!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

true true....being trained from birth though it is tough to break out of this though. Constant struggle.

Anonymous said...

You are my hero =)

-C

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