For a while now, I've felt like life has been put on pause. No job and no real focus that seems to be lucrative. I've been needing a change! Something that is self fulfilling. This is a funk that I've never really experienced in my past as there has always been something to motivate me (cycling, outdoors, computers, ideas about how society should advance, etc). Those things that motivated me didn't pan out to any degree of financial security and, to some degree, I've felt a bit like a failure.
I've began to hate that feeling and, oddly enough, the hate towards that feeling seems to be returning my motivation. I've began redistributing that anger to a pair of pedals. Anything that happens to be pissing me off and guess what? Redirected to a pair of Speedplay X2's! Visualizing the plume of crap from the retarded redneck's huge diesel truck being floored off of a red light -> X2's. Greedy AIG pigs -> X2's. No response from my 10th application this month even though I have a degree and experience -> X2's. Heatseeker by AC/DC on the iPod at mile 90 of an Emmett-Horseshoe Bend + Dump Loop -> X2's.
My punching bag
Anger reduction method in action
Not only is it doing wonders for my perspective on things, it's making me a faster cyclist in a really big hurry. Saturday, even with an ache in my back that kept me from standing straight or driving properly, I was able to bust out a 3rd place TT. Sunday, I impressed myself even more. With around 10 miles left, I'd helped break up the field and was in the remnants of maybe eight guys when my front derailleur decided to slip completely loose and grind on my chain. I had to stop and adjust without an allen wrench (it was that loose). After all was said and done, I was around 80 to 90 seconds back and was pounding it out in the little ring. Eventually I decided to attempt a jump to the big ring. When that succeeded, I was able to go full bore. Not too much longer and I'd brought back the front group, very much to my surprise. When I got there, Stu went off the front and I wasn't about to consider chasing just yet although I could have. An attempt to bridge just brought along enough baggage that I wasn't going to do more work. Again, Stu off the front. This time I sat in for a while and let Stu steadily build a small lead. With around three miles to go, I attacked and really went with the fury of a jobless, disgruntled and remotivated raging cyclist. I took along Remi and Kai (Stu's teammate). When I reached Stu, I wasn't going to give him a free ride, so I attacked again. By now, Remi decided that he'd add some horsepower to my attempt to rip the field to pieces. In return, I promised to lead him out for the win, as long as I got the chance to keep tearing the field to shreds. And that's how it played out. I lead Remi out and the field got tore up (at least the 3rd time that's happened between he and I - him going for a stage and me going for GC). I took third, but I felt absolutely amazing after having vented some of my pent up anger.
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